BY LAURA BIEMMI, TRENDS EDITOR
‘Reeds. Ugh.’
It’s a sentiment uttered by all reed players, all over the world.
How can something so tiny and fragile be the bane of my existence, yet the very thing that lets me do what I love?
I’ve been making my own oboe reeds for about a year now, and though I’m still early on in my reed-making life, I feel like I’ve experienced the entire spectrum of human emotion thanks to these little pieces of cane, thread and cork. Nothing can bring me to such a murderous rage yet also such a soaring pride. A badly made reed might see me angrily dismembering it for parts, but a good Laura original™ reed makes me feel truly invincible.
In order to capture the whirlwind of emotions that reed-making can evoke, I’ve decided to make a list of all the thoughts tumbling around the mind of a confused, tired, yet determined reed-maker attempting to get tiny blades of vegetable matter to bend to her will.
1. Soaking cane takes forever.
2. What show should I watch while I do this? Why doesn’t Netflix have a ‘reed-making’ category? Too niche?
3. Oh no, have I soaked it too much?
4. I shouldn’t have had that nap.
5. I wonder what happens if I soaked this stuff and then planted it outside. Could I grow my own cane?
6. Probably shouldn’t do that when your house is full of dead succulents.
7. Should probably pick some thread to tie the cane with.
8. Why do I have so much thread? It’s so cheap, but it also lasts forever. There is literally no reason for me to have this much thread. I’m never going to use it all up.
9. I want to use the green thread, but the last green reed I made was a dud, and I’m feeling too superstitious to risk it. Let’s go with purple.
10. Do they have machines that can tie on reeds for you? They have gougers and shapers and profilers…tie-ers? I’ll invent that.
11. God, I wish I could afford a gouger and a shaper and a profiler.
12. Probably could if I hadn’t bought all that thread. (Nah!) (…maybe?)
13. Time to check out my staples!
14. I need new staples.
15. Can I use parafilm to reattach the cork to this staple?
16. Ooh, just did. This looks horrific. Probably could have used superglue if I hadn’t glued my fingers shut that one time.
17. I should get a new mandrel, so I can try out other staples. But, money.
18. Aligning cane to staple…marking the length and where they meet…
19. This is science. I’m a scientist.
20. Got to tie on and make sure it’s straight… ah, it’s already crooked.
21. THIS IS RIGGED.
22. I need to figure out a better way to tie the knot at the end, but I’m not a sailor, so nail polish will do to hold it together.
23. My room smells like a nail salon now.
24. It seals! I created a vacuum! Tell me again how I’m not a scientist?
25. Now to let my blank reed sit for weeks so the cane will be better adjusted for scraping. It’s like sending your kid off to boarding school to mature, but boarding school is actually a very dark drawer filled with knives and older, less fortunate reeds.
26. Should probably do some scraping while I’m here. Here are some blanks I prepared earlier. (This is like the saddest episode of Play School.)
27. My knives are so blunt, I should sharpen them. But what if they get so sharp I accidentally slice all of my fingers off? (Probably won’t happen.) (We’re not chopping onions.) (Though, I cry all the same.)
28. I’m determined to get my knives really sharp today! Knives as sharp as my intonation.
29. Do I want a U scrape or a W scrape today? What would look better with purple thread?
30. U on one side and W on the other? Girl, you’re wild.
31. No, let’s go for a W scrape today. Today, I shall be a sophisticated French oboist.
32. I’m not going to lie: the little pile of reed shavings I’m building here is great to look at. Gives the illusion of productivity. But this reed could be a dud, and the pile of shavings for nothing. Such is life.
33. Does this make me a wood-worker? A carpenter? Like Jesus?
34. Getting this metal plaque between the blades to rip them apart is so tricky, and I could crush this baby reed between my fingers at any moment, since I’m squeezing so tight.
35. Time to scrape the tip. Will I create the perfect blended tip, or take a huge chunk out of the corner? Vote now on your phones!
36. I could definitely defuse bombs with all this tip scraping experience. Hands steadier than a brain surgeon. (That’s a lie.)
37. I think the reed is done! Still a bit hard…but then again, it’s going to be a completely different reed tomorrow, with a different temperature and humidity, at a different elevation, and when Mercury is in retrograde.
38. I get to do it all again tomorrow.
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Images supplied by Laura Biemmi.
